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Credit Crunch Jokes
* What's the capital of Iceland ? - About £3..50
* How do you define optimism? A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday
* Why have estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?
Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon
*What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
The Pizza can still feed a family of four.
*As a surprise, a chief exec's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Slightly ruffled, he immediately starts dictating: "and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
What's the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?
The pigeon can still leave a deposit on a new Ferrari.
*A reporter on his way home from Parliament is stuck in traffic. He asks a police officer, 'What's the hold-up?' The policeman replies: 'It's about the Prime Minister. He's so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire. He says it's because people blame him for the credit crunch. So we're taking up a collection for him.'
The man asks: 'How much have you got so far?'
The officer replies: 'About 40 gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning.'
*The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet. The car's been repossessed.
*Latest news: The Isle of Dogs bank has collapsed. They've called in the retrievers.
What do you say to a hedge fund manager who can't sell anything?
A Quarter-pounder with fries, please.
Bradford & Bingley employees are concerned they were given no notice of the takeover by Santander Bank.
A spokesman said: 'No one expected the Spanish acquisition.'
You know it's a credit crunch when...
• The cashpoint asks if you can spare any change.
• There's a 'buy one, get one free' offer - on banks.
• The Inland Revenue is offering a 25 per cent discount to anyone who can pay.
• Gordon Brown has stopped chewing his nails and started sucking his thumb.
• Your builder asks to be paid in Zimbabwean dollars rather than sterling.
• Highgrove has been repossessed.
• Victoria Beckham is shopping in Primark.
Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling and Peter Mandelson are flying to a world economic summit. Peter looks at Alistair and chuckles: 'You know, I could throw a £50 note out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.'
Alistair shrugs his shoulders and says: 'Well, I could throw five £10 notes out of the window and make five people very happy.
Gordon says: 'Of course, but I could throw ten £5 notes out of the window and make ten people very happy.'
The pilot rolls his eyes, looks at all of them, and says: 'Listen, how about if I throw all of you out of the window and make the whole country happy.'